Chasing Yellow Butterflies

Have you ever seen vibrant yellow butterflies before?

 

The sweetness of those little floating rays of sunshine, flying freely through meadows and down streets and in gardens – gosh thinking about them brings you a little joy, right? 

 

Guatemala is full of yellow butterflies. 

 

They are everywhere! When I walked down the road, yellow butterflies would cross my path, and each time I saw them, I got equally excited. 

 

Me to everyone: “OH MY GOSH A YELLOW BUTTERFLY!”

“Does anyone see this bright beautiful butterfly?!” 

 

Now you would think, this excitement might wear off, but it didn’t. Now stick with me, this is really where it gets good!

 

I’m gonna be honest, coming back on The World Race was a really difficult decision for me. It’s not that I didn’t want to go; my heart is for the nations, going to serve, and telling people about Jesus everywhere I go. I was completely set on returning to the field no matter what and no matter how long I had to wait.

  

But trusting the Lord with this dream again? That was hard.

 

Then trusting Him through the what-ifs, what’s next, discouragements, disappointment, confusion, etc. That was difficult.   

 

Getting sent home from the race last year wrecked my heart. As we got back to the states, I held onto the hope of returning to the field in one hand and the other was holding on so tightly to what was the shattered remains of the World Race – everything I was hoping, anticipating, expecting. I was holding on so tightly to all the expectations I had, this “dream come true” and this excitement that was supposed to be this past year with people that I loved so dearly, the hand that was holding onto the hope felt like it was losing its grasp. I waited years and years to go on the race, this desire to serve, go out into the nations, and tell people about Jesus – I knew that feeling would never leave.

 

I knew I could wait to go back out again. 

 

But through this process, the Lord reminded me: 

 It’s not the race. 

It’s not the ministry. 

It’s not what I am doing.

The 11-month journey I wanted. 

 

This is life. 

Ministry is life. 

 

The question now was, am I willing to hand over this dream of the race and trust the Lord with it – even when I may not understand or able to see it? 

 

AS YOU CAN SEE, I WENT BACK OUT. WHOA! THE LORD! 

 

But it was quite the journey getting back out here let me tell ya, okay. 

 

But just in case you weren’t sure, I’m back out here on the field in Guatemala. From day one the Lord has wrecked my heart in the best possible way. He has been healing different parts of it, constantly pouring out His abundant love, and freeing me in ways I didn’t even expect. I am so very thankful to be right here with Him. The Lord is showing me what it looks like to trust Him with every single part of my life. To wake up and know that each day is His: we are in a partnership, a team, a friendship, a beautiful journey together. It’s exciting to know each day is spent with Him and trusting Him with every aspect of my life, my hope, my journey, and knowing He will fulfill all my heart’s desires and concerns. 

 

Every day He would tell me, “just be with me.” 

 

I was in Chicaman for our time here in Guatemala and it holds a very special place in my heart. I will post a blog more about our time there later! (stay tuned) This place felt like home as soon as I got there and this undeniable peace and contentment washed over me. In Antiqua, the Lord spoke directly to my heart through someone there as he addressed my pain from being sent home from the race. He told me how the Lord wanted to meet me in all of it and to step into intimacy with Him. 

 

Like okay, what? 

 

More to that story if you’d like to know, but the Lord showed me how much He cares for me, sees me, and DEEPLY knows me. Well, after that moment, the Lord opened up this intentional space for me to just meet with Him every day in Chicaman. I found this trail back behind our house in the mountains that I would walk along and just spend time with Him. He met me there in beautiful ways, revealing things in my heart, and working through some pain of this past year. 

 

One day, He told me to follow the yellow butterflies. These beautiful vibrant yellow butterflies I was telling you about! 

 

I followed them and it led me to this beautiful meadow in the mountains and as I was sitting on this rock, hundreds of yellow butterflies surrounded me. They were everywhere. At that moment, I experienced a depth of the Lord’s love that I had never experienced before. I truly felt the love of the Lord washing over me and just sit there fully receiving it. I was brought to tears – at that moment I felt so known and seen by the Lord.

 

 

He has been showing me that a lot on the race this year. Showing me His love, how he knows me so deeply and sees me fully. This is one story of many, but I can tell you that yellow butterflies have been around me ever since. 

 

He’s been walking with me, showing me how to trust in Him, depend on Him fully, what it is like to experience His abundant love for me, and experience intimacy with Him in such a healing and freeing way. I am a free spirit gal, but He’s been showing me what it looks like to walk in even more freedom with him. 

 

Yellow butterflies led me to rivers and villages, to cliff sides and meadows of purple and yellow flowers, to places I would have never seen before. I have been following yellow butterflies to these secluded oases with the Lord, that He so intentionally provides, in the most random/ beautiful places. He is 

 

So intentional. 

So loving. 

So personal. 

 

Being on the field, I have given over my dream of the World Race and being on this journey for 11 months. I don’t hold it tightly anymore, gripping it, and wanting it so badly. My focus has shifted to focusing on Jesus and wanting more of Him and that being my main desire.

 

My heart – as it has always been – is to be on the mission field and share the love, hope, and joy to people around the world. I was only coming out on the field for the time that I had left in my fundraising from last year, but I felt it on my heart to give it to the Lord and see what will happen in trusting Him with all of this. I want to be out on the field longer and would love to see what is in store, but I am trusting the Lord fully that if the money is raised I will continue on the field for that time. There is so much happening out in the world during this time.

 

Behind the layers of isolation and a year of separation, pain, and losing so much in this pandemic – the youth is lost in new age religion, villages have lost their entire communities under mudslides as the mountainside caved in on top of their homes killing their family members, women are struggling with abuse and normality to it and that being a way of life, and children are falling through the cracks in cultures around the world as they have to be adults instead of being children. 

 

There is a huge need for hope, peace, joy, for something bigger, something fulfilling, people are searching in need of the Lord. Not the hurtful ideas and concepts of God. These distorted ideas of who God is or a series of rules or earning the love, not one that worships idols and gods, but truly experiencing the love of God deeply. A love that rocks the foundations of people’s worlds and that personal relationship with the Lord that goes beyond the physical boundaries that we place. 

 

I’m seeing and experiencing the Lord move in powerful ways wherever we go. I have been able to witness and experience stepping into a life of freedom, joy, love, fulfillment, and more of what God has in store for us – to be fully seen, heard, known, and truly loved. 

 

I have 2 weeks to raise the money. If you feel led to support me on this journey and partner with the Lord on what He is doing in this crazy world at this time wherever He may bring us. This journey, the countries, and the route are all in His hands and we do not know where we are going but fully relying and trusting on the Lord on where we are supposed to go and that He will direct us. We are hoping to get to the Middle East area and the 10/40 window but trusting in Him and His timing. But if you feel lead, the button to donate is at the top of this page! Let’s partner together and chase those yellow butterflies! 

 

Here’s to following those yellow butterflies,  

this overflowing excitement that will never run dry, 

& continuing to trust where God leads me and takes me on this journey we call life.